I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
