I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
