he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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