Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
