I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize