his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
