im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
