currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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