sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
