at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
