You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
