I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
