I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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