6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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