bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
