What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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