I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
