i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
