New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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