is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize