I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
