are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
