I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize