Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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