i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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