sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
