I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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