with your own penis?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
