You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
