im drinking this country out of the recession.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
