508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself