Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.