my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
