yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"