Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
