She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
