I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
