Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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