Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
