is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
