I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come