I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.