Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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  (815): I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo http://tfl.nu/iz8u
  Replies (7) Good night (591) Bad night (3325)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.

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  (847): my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b. http://tfl.nu/5vrv
  Replies (6) Good night (996) Bad night (3778)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head

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  (941): i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head http://tfl.nu/fs2w
  Replies (45) Good night (1238) Bad night (5186)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

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  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (5244) Bad night (1468)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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  (620): The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices". http://tfl.nu/jiwo
  Replies (23) Good night (4953) Bad night (1151)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

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  (208): I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in. http://tfl.nu/ba7z
  Replies (13) Good night (4258) Bad night (1815)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  ambylanc

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  what?

  (519): View more from Ontario

  there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.

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  (519): ambylanc (1-519): what? (519): there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it. http://tfl.nu/lrq4
  Replies (8) Good night (2937) Bad night (1338)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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  (859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq
  Replies (24) Good night (6458) Bad night (806)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

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  (740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth
  Replies (12) Good night (5189) Bad night (808)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.

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  (904): Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point. http://tfl.nu/899i
  Replies (4) Good night (1200) Bad night (635)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  A safari of penis I hurt to the core

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  (810): Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas? (1-810): A safari of penis I hurt to the core http://tfl.nu/q0bf
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (479)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.

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  (647): He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well. http://tfl.nu/9cil
  Replies (3) Good night (732) Bad night (252)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.

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  (202): So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end. http://tfl.nu/ej89
  Replies (1) Good night (358) Bad night (177)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick

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  (425): That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/9s4e
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (229)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.

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  (262): I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul. http://tfl.nu/9aqu
  Replies (6) Good night (605) Bad night (353)

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