I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis