Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice