well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
