Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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