Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
