He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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