she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
