Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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