I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
