But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
