is your mom at the bar?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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