Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
