Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
