I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
