I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
