it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
