he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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