My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
