Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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