im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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