it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
