Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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