I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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