At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
