Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
