just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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