Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
