someone threw a dead crab at me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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