Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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