Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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