Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
