I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
