But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
