omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
