Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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