I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
